Destructive parents

When I hear about someone who has had a destructive experience, from a mother, or indeed a father, it breaks my heart... I recognise the amount of work it takes to heal yourself, you will very rarely get healing from the parent in question...

For me the answer was support, and so much talking... I felt like I was at the bottom of a well and I couldn't get out, but with every conversation, every bit of processing, I got up another centimetre... It takes years to undo a whole life of damage... It's about building trust with yourself to make good choices, maybe building bridges with the idea of the role of people that the person that wronged you played in your life (ie I didn't trust men, after the damage my dad did), and once you do a great deal of work on yourself, it's about welcoming love into your life... Welcoming friends and family who can contribute to what is missing, filling gaps with positive people...

Personally trusting that any man could be a good father was my biggest one... Trusting that a man could play a father like role in my life and not mess it up, trusting that I could pick someone who wouldn't mess up my kids lives, there was a lot to consider... But I did the work, made peace, gained trust and have been blessed with an abundance of good men...

Ugly duckling

Man, I have never fit in, I always made my own groups, in pre made groups I felt like I had to clip my wings to fit... I agree with this point that we should be kind to other groups of people, but we shouldn't have to try hard to fit in...

I remember the sheer dread of having to meet new people at kinder and then school... I know I look different, my ideas are very left, I get excited and shy and then get awkward... So I would cover up my tattoos and put on my generic cloak to not be seen, I didn't mind if I didn't fit in, but I didn't want it to affect how people treated my kids... And much to my surprise, at both kinder and school, I have been welcomed, no not everyone is my best friend, but there are smiles, so many smiles... Being different doesn't have to be isolating, and I didn't have to try so hard to blend, as it turns out, I found some amazing humans at both places and it's been great!

Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Human Experience

Human experiences... This freak shake from the Hello Kitty diner is a delightful human experience...

And this cold I have had these past few days is a crappy one... No one likes to be sick... I feel like lately everything has been coming together spiritually... I did an amazing reiki healing that really validated reiki as a life choice for me... A lovely energy cleansing on a business, things have been going swimmingly, like I have been riding a wave, and this cold has really brought me crashing down into my human self...

Looking forward to getting back to good health, reading my books, meditating, yoga, healing... I feel quite useless without energy or a pulsating connection to my higher self...

Poor choices

To all my sisters out there making the same choices over and over with the same wretched results, this one goes out to you...

It is soooooo hard to be honest with yourself about things that need to be fixed, it's always easier to blame other people... But we have the keys to giving ourselves absolute joy, if we do the work... Breaking patterns is hard work... So hard that often we need a professional to help us, or a really honest, upfront yet nurturing person to go on that journey with you...

So many women out there choose men that don't deserve them... Whether it's being insecure, feeling like better to be with anyone than to face the world alone, needing validation through partnership, whatever it is, there are roots to what becomes poor choices, and the roots are what needs to be pulled out, not just what they grow into...

One thing I promise you, we can all have a life that makes us happy, it's a choice, commit to it... We don't ever have to be in an unhappy relationship... No one has the right to hurt us, try and make us feel bad about ourselves, or try to break our spirit... Remind yourself of this! You have a right to happiness!

Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Many mothers

This idea of having many mothers is just so beautiful...

One of my favourite things when I was young was Mother's Day, we would have a big celebration with all of the women in our family, my mum, her sisters, my great aunts, my cousins and second cousins, and my nanna was there in spirit too... It was so wonderful to have all of the stories of our family there on one space, there were always stories, advice, and amazing food! Whenever it was Mother's Day, there was always a sense of excitement to connect to our family history, but also to the women, women who had so much knowledge, and shared it... Truly special...

Now it isn't that, for me, for the past 8 years it has been the Mother's Day classic, and this year I am going out with my little family for lunch... But I want that for my kids, I want them to gain knowledge from the women of my family, I want us all to sit around the table and tell stories, pass down what we have learned...

We can have this without a blood family, when I sit around with my girlfriends, I do hope that one day we will have a table we can share with our children to afford them knowledge and feel a part of something special that spans years... I want my kids that there are other women who they can draw from, that they can trust if they feel that they can't come to me or my husband first...

Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Mothering community

This is a lot, buy this book! Seriously, so much goodness in here...

The sense of community is so dissolved at this point, I almost feel like Google has become the Goddess Mother... We need help, we Google, we want to learn more about something, we Google, it's less and less that women turn to each other and offer each other what they have learned, and it's a shame... It feels like now, if things aren't perfect, or great, you aren't going to hear about it...

What I LOVE about a group of mothers who are open minded and open hearted, is you always come away with some gold... Whether it's something you can hold on to for later in your journey, or something you know some other mum you know would gain from knowing...

I tried so hard to keep our mothers group going, not because we all had anything much in common, but the sharing and the sense of community... I had no idea that kinder and school would continue to provide me with beautiful women who I connect with on a parent level, but also other levels too... I definitely still recommend mothers group or play group, but don't be disheartened if it doesn't work out, there are other opportunities to meet like minded people, who become your community...

There is also Twitter, facebook groups, and I'm sure other people out there in different social media that you might give a go... It's funny the places you can get that support from... But try, somewhere out there there are your people! You just have to find them...

Motherhood

Reading this passage about the ugly duckling, with lots of reflections on motherhood and being different, I am having visions of all of the people I know, personally and clients, who struggle with motherhood... It is undoubtedly THE hardest job in the world, and without knowing yourself I can imagine it is infinitely harder...

I find it incredibly hard to stay silent when I see parents who are still seeking their own childhoods having babies, knowing from my own experience the amount of sacrifice and selflessness it takes to raise children... I just wish I could do some really intense work with them to get them ready, though usually there is a very relaxed attitude about it, until they have to start giving things up... Even just sleep, or time...

For the other circumstances mentioned, I think in terms of community, if you are feeling vulnerable as a mum, reach out! You would be surprised the lengths people will go to to throw you a float if you let them know you are drowning... Whether that's helping with the children, or chatting, venting, releasing or going deep into the crux of your feelings...

As a community, whether we have children or not, giving mothers a place to release, offering whatever help you can, is the best thing ever... If you don't know what to offer, give some options
'I'm happy to watch your kids while you rest, to go to the park with you all, to take you out while your partner (or whoever) looks after the kids?'
Relief comes in many forms... With more support less Mums would struggle through the times they find the hardest...

Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Smudging cleansing

Nothing like a smudging and a reiki clearing to clear negative energy... Am available to do these, Melbourne and south east/east...

giving each other space to grow

I was talking to my aunt about this on the weekend, I feel like people (myself included) hold on to these ideas about who each other are based on things that happened years and years ago... Most of the relationships I have exceed ten years and really most of us grew up together, so it is very easy to remember their actions or attitudes from 15 years ago and use it in how you estimate them now... I do sooooo much work around this, I really believe that we all need to give each other the space to grow and change, not hold each other to things long past...

Personally I feel like people have very severe memories of me, an awful teenager, scary 20 something, and don't see the work that happened as I approached my mid 20's, and continues to happen... Half of my struggle is getting people that knew me before to recognise that I have left a lot of the anger behind, and while I am still not keen on the general public, I certainly don't act as though I hate all humans... And while I don't have as big a struggle with my close friends and family, there are still these moments where I can see them remembering something that isn't accurate today, and it sucks...

As humans who want to see humans of the world wake up, let's give each other that space, a safe space to grow...

Babies

This is so funny because it's true... When you have a baby, I'm assuming this is the world over, from that first moment everyone, including you, is trying to see who the baby is more like... From looks, both of my kids are fair like dad, blonde hair, white skin, blue eyes, while I am of Maltese descent, olive and dark... I get asked if I'm the babysitter more than I would like... As they grow its in the talent, they draw well, must be artistic like dad, they are really caring about others, maybe they will work in the care industry like mum... I hate it, and as they got out of babyhood, I stopped doing it, because I feel like it is really important for them to forge their own paths... I need to know that we didn't assume and act on this idea that they will follow either of our footsteps in their future... I want to see them grow into their own ideas about how to be in the world and how to finance being...

Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Mental blocks

I always find in exercise my mental blocks are way harder to crack than my physical blocks... For years I couldn't get my head around going over 5kg either side on any track in body pump, 2015 saw me almost double it... I added between 1-4kgs per side to every body pump track, and I feel much stronger for it!

With yoga it's the same thing... For years I have had it set in my mind that I can't do this lunge twist, mentally I was 100% certain that my body was simply too thick, big, to get my arms around backwards... I decided this week that I was going to try, in all this time I never tried, and I did it, it was easy 😂 I crack myself up the amount of power self talk has!

Photo from http://studioyoga6.com

Allies

All that talk about allies yesterday, I'm still listening to Another Round and they are trying to get Tracy a date... Trying to describe who is the right kind of guy, and they are saying no racists, no homophobes, just basically a good human... Which leaves it open to your definition of good... What is a good person to you?

Growing up I thought good was someone who basically doesn't hurt others, kind to others maybe? Now my list has grown, and maybe I'm excluding a great deal of the population in my growing terms of definition... The other day on facebook, I saw someone referring to themselves as good people, and by my childhood definition, they are, they don't hurt anyone, maybe a bit superficial but that's their life choice, but I see them using slurs that I detest (spastic, gay, the n word), does this make them not good? For me, probably, in the sense that I wouldn't want my kids around that... But maybe it's just lack of education? And with simple challenges on this vocab it would all change?

To me, as a grown woman, good people not only don't hurt others, but go out of their way to make other people's lives better, they educate themselves, they take action, they are on a journey, whether they acknowledge that or not, to make the world a better place to live in... It may be a judgey definition, but as much as I try to not judge, I'm an INFJ, it's natural...

Treat others well

I have been listening to Another Round podcast obsessively lately, it's uncomfortable because they talk a lot about race, and I am uncomfortably aware of white privilege... Heben and Tracy were talking about allies in the most recent episode I listened to, I find the term strange... I do consider myself an ally to the LGBT+ community, people of colour, refugees, and of course women's rights, overall I guess you could say that I believe that all humans deserve equality, regardless... But I hesitate to use the word ally, because none of the work I do, or words I speak on those topics are about me...

Then I stumbled on this, which reminded me about the book I read which compared sayings of spiritual leaders, and I love it...

Ultimately life is about being a good human, doing what you can to rise up others... I don't need a label for that... It's action...

On Instagram give @just_me_chee a follow!

Caring for others

As a follow on from today's earlier post... In this time when the idea of community isn't what it was a hundred years ago, we need to be better at identifying the signs of need for care... Once we know someone needs care, we need to make the time to give care... It's hard to slow down, notice, stop, in this busy time... But even amongst everything going on, we still need to take care of each other... Many people I know don't have close family by location, or connection closeness, to take those reigns in times of crisis... It's up to us...

On Instagram give @youngkundalini a follow

Kindness

Acts of kindness could change the world... Letting go of fear, fear of the homeless, fear of refugees, fear of Muslims, would definitely change the world... When I see the youth leading by example, it fills me with hope...

HuffPost Good News

March 13 at 11:15pm · 

This image captures what it means to be compassionate -- just for the sake of it.

Photo Of Teen's Quiet Act Of Kindness For Homeless Man Goes Viral

“Everyone who saw him in the area was moved.”

HUFF.TO

Sweetheart stage

I like that she talks about the sweetheart stage beyond just lovers... I know it is probably the most referred to, and contemplated...

I remember when I had Marley, my first born, I was in the biggest bubble of love... I had never known love like this, and fortunately she was an easy baby so there was nothing to challenge this feeling... 5 weeks later, 5 weeks into her little life, I remember feeding her in the night, I put her back to bed, and lay down wondering if I was ever going to sleep more than 3 hours ever again... That was the moment for me that made me aware of the true parameters of our relationship... Thankfully the next week she started sleeping 9 hours!

There is always a moment where the parameters are defined, when you need to step up to your role, as a mother, lover, friend... I like the challenge... Though I'm pretty happy that no one is going to challenge my sleep like that again!
Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Journeying together

Self explanatory, nothing excites me more than seeing people I love on their journey, being with them as they make massive discoveries about themselves and the world...

The sad part is watching signs be ignored, paths light up before people and not be taken... I encourage everyone to listen to the messages, the more you you receive, the more are sent!

Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Distractions

This is so pertinent to my life right now... I may spend time every day contemplating, working toward my spiritual goals, then something will happen, usually work or kids, lately my health in combination with the others, and a week will slip by without reading, or writing or meditating... Human life feels designed to distract us from our spiritual journey... And a part of being gentle on yourself is to let that be... Acknowledge it, release it and put your best foot forward 💫

Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Sleep

Sleeping is one of my favourite things to do... Not just for rest, but for the fresh start... It repairs muscles, breaks up the day, gives us a chance to have a better day if the one that came before wasn't that great, and it gives us a chance to dream... With the eclipse being felt right now, my dreams have been off the hook... Really all about connecting with my higher self, meetings, getting in touch with the life/death/life nature of relationships, swimming with the Skeleton Woman, it's been amazing and crazy!

Has anyone else been having intense dreams lately?

Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Buddhism

There is something special about living in a country filled with so many different belief systems... It's important to me to have knowledge of people's religion so to better understand them...

This week it's Buddhism... I have a soft spot for Buddhism, the idea of aspiring to enlightenment warms my heart up...

Siddhattha Gotama was a Hindu man who became a holy man who sought the answer to the problem of suffering... He sat down to meditate under a banyan tree, stayed there all night and as dawn broke he saw the meaning of all things unfold and was enlightened... He achieved Nirvana, freedom from the cycle of rebirth...

Meditation, love... Coupled with this mindful state, staying in the present... I also love the ceremony of the meditation... It makes it feel important...

The universal truths... They speak to me...

Rituals, I'm all over rituals, the idea of offerings, prayer, using your body in prayer, mantras...

The Usborne Encyclopedia Of World Religions

Being gentle to yourself

I really don't want to become a meme page, but I just saw this and it really spoke to me! Spending years fighting my feelings, watching others around me do the same, then and now... We could all do with being a bit more gentle to ourselves... Take it from someone who has lived it, to the extreme, it's a nicer life taking a happy approach... It breaks my heart when I see people acting out of anger, or sadness, or just not thinking about their actions...

Also, if you are on Instagram, give @purplebuddhaproject a follow

Quiet

My BFF and I were discussing the spiritual reasons we meditate yesterday, it was a good article she shared, and covered a lot! On a practical level, here are some other great reasons to meditate, be still and quiet...

Why Silence Is So Good For Your Brain

In a loud and distracting world, finding pockets of stillness can benefit your brain and body. Here are four science-backed reasons why.

HUFFINGTONPOST.COM

Choosing people

This is so important... Choosing people to be in your life who are interested in seeing you grow, in taking the journey with you, with unwavering support...

I have been blessed with an amazing husband and a group of the most wonderful humans as friends and family... I don't ever feel shut down by them, I know that whatever I say, it will be heard with an understanding ear... And it's the same when they talk to me... The job of the people in our lives is to elevate each other, help get to the next level, not to be jealous or tear each other down...

Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Friendship

Friendship means the world to me... My friends are long term relationships that have held it down with me when I have struggled, who have shared deep thoughts with me and partied on the dance floor when one must dance!

As a friend I am loyal, honest, supportive and challenging... I want people in my life that want to grow, want to be the best person they can be, and for us all to grow, we need to be challenged... That's me, I am that person, people don't come to me expecting to hear what they want to be told, and this isn't me being a good friend, it's just who I am, I can't actually help it, even if I wanted to...

I know this can make it hard at times to deal with me... But it's the same treatment I expect from my people... I welcome warmth, I welcome honesty, I welcome the challenge, especially when I know that person will also be there to see it through with me...

Photo credit @mermaidsofhawaii @mermaidcitrine

Dad...

Mannnnn... My BFF sent this to me on the weekend... I was watching it thinking she crazy, I don't need tissues for this! And as it went on 😭😭😭

A big part of my journey has been my relationship with my Dad, in life and in death... I wasn't sure, as a young woman, whether I had any chance at all of finding a man worthy of being the father to my kids, and I totally get where Kelly Clarkson is coming from watching her husband be a great dad to her kids... It's such a trip having this feeling that my babies will always feel validated by a mum and a dad...

It rattles around my brain what challenges my kids will face, what will define them, their relationships, at least, so far, I feel like we have both done our best to provide a loving, safe home for them...

Kelly Clarkson Brings J.Lo and Keith Urban to Tears with American Idol Performance

Her “Piece by Piece” immediately rises on the charts.

VANITYFAIR.COM|BY JOSH DUBOFF

Equal partner

Finding a partner who is your equal has got to be difficult...

There were so many reasons that men I dated weren't my equal:
They were too absorbed in their own struggle
Drugs/alcohol took precedent for them
They had no ambition
They couldn't manage me at a time I was coming into my own power
They were too nice

Meeting my husband was a revelation, I was able to just be myself without any judgment, and I was embraced for who I was... That feeling couldn't be topped, I always felt I had to dumb myself down for men, that men say they like a powerful woman, a strong woman, but only in theory... I don't have to hold myself back with him... And the same goes in return... I have so much belief in him, in the way he works as a human, in his talent as an artist, whatever he wants to do, I have his back... Neither of us has all of the answers, but together we find them...

Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Family Culture

I think allllllll the time about family and the family culture that we choose to incarnate with... How these families give us strengths and challenges to evolve into our best self... Without the challenges presented by my parents, I never would have had a need to develop my strength... So I don't hate that life wasn't all roses...

I do see how it can be hard for people to have that break away moment, or that occurrence that makes them burst out of the life that their parentsplanned for them... But when it happens, it's so glorious... And thank goodness we do choose our soul family to help us in these moments...

Believing the negative aspects that our families can present to us can be so damaging... Don't get me wrong, I wasn't an angel at all as a child, but despite all of the work I do on myself, sometimes my extended family would have me believe that I am that I am that same child... This even happens in long term friendships, we have to create a space where there is room to grow and not hold each other to our pasts...

Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Mothering a daughter

Reading the story of Vasalisa... There is a lot in this, but the first thing was this mother and daughters relationship, and the blessings bestowed from that...

My relationship with my daughter is a very spiritual one, sometimes I look at her face and have a crashing realisation that she is just a child... Sometimes, our conversations and revelations make me feel like we are sisters journeying together, and then she will say something that reminds me she is still so very young... At such a young age, she has such an interest in the human psyche, and I adore passing to her what she is eager to know... This story enhances the feeling that I don't need to be with her physically to protect her, reminding me that what we share gives her strength... The tools she learns in her meditations, visualisations and our conversations I hope will carry her in times when I'm not there... It's like this whole trove of life skills, but learning them is entwined in old ways, and feels so magical and the moments are treasured...

Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Yoga

I want to talk about my relationship with yoga...

When I turned 20 I used to go to a yoga class, I loved it so much, but I was also incredibly busy partying up a storm!

After having Marley I started doing yoga at home, using yoga through my pregnancy with Mace, and as a staple of my fitness afterward... I loved it, and it always felt 'right'... I would go through phases of doing it every day for months to once or twice a week for months, it was always there, forefront or background...

In the past three weeks I have gone back to yoga class... It has been phenomenal... I forgot how much a class pushes you, and gives you an indicator of where you are at in the scheme of things... The teacher is a bit of a hardarse, but her practice stretches me, mind body and soul... Sometimes I slip away, getting such a spiritual work out, I forget how hard it works my body! Other times I'm so in the present and at one with myself, it's so damn good!

If you have ever considered yoga, maybe you should give it a go, there are 20 minute videos on iTunes, a good way to test the water if you are nervous to commit to an hour class...

Being Nice

This book is so deep... Every page I have a myriad of thoughts, things that I can't let go!

So this is after the story of Bluebeard, and the way he charms young girls into marrying him only to kill them later... A lot of talk about naive women hooking up with predators... You see it all the time, same woman and every man they see is the same sort of predator... Sometimes they can come away, do the work and move on to more worthy men, others are still making the same mistakes in their 50's... I have nothing but awe for those women who can break this cycle.. There is often a lot at stake, family, money, home, having to risk it all for freedom is a big gamble...

This part is so true though, as young girls, certainly of my generation, we were taught to be nice, to never ask for anything, and almost to marry the first man who is good to you... As a woman who has dated a varied cross section of men, some were so good to me, but that's definitely not enough for a whole life together... It's a cultural thing... I was never going to be that person, I had too much to do, and I lived through the divorces that ensued after these types of marriages... But I do still struggle to say what I need, whether it's a glass of water at someone's house, or time out from the kids... While we teach our daughters to be submissive, they don't have our permission to reach out and get what they need and want in life...

I have made it a point to both of my kids to ask for what they want, as long as they are polite, it shouldn't matter... And if anyone makes you uncomfortable, after defining all of the key indicators of what uncomfortable is for them, run! It's not rude to protect yourself...

Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes