When I hear about someone who has had a destructive experience, from a mother, or indeed a father, it breaks my heart... I recognise the amount of work it takes to heal yourself, you will very rarely get healing from the parent in question...
For me the answer was support, and so much talking... I felt like I was at the bottom of a well and I couldn't get out, but with every conversation, every bit of processing, I got up another centimetre... It takes years to undo a whole life of damage... It's about building trust with yourself to make good choices, maybe building bridges with the idea of the role of people that the person that wronged you played in your life (ie I didn't trust men, after the damage my dad did), and once you do a great deal of work on yourself, it's about welcoming love into your life... Welcoming friends and family who can contribute to what is missing, filling gaps with positive people...
Personally trusting that any man could be a good father was my biggest one... Trusting that a man could play a father like role in my life and not mess it up, trusting that I could pick someone who wouldn't mess up my kids lives, there was a lot to consider... But I did the work, made peace, gained trust and have been blessed with an abundance of good men...
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